queer wedding story

i’m queer, i’m getting married. this is our story.

Progress! May 11, 2007

Filed under: ceremony,m,me — Misslissa @ 11:07 am

I’ve been out of town for work so things have been a little slow around here. Finally home though after driving through the wilds of northern BC. It’s really beautiful up there, but I’m not ready to live somewhere that has one road going in and out, a rec centre and a Saan. I missed everything from traffic and seagulls to fresh vegetables. I had to eat salad for dinner last night because I felt like my insides were covered in grease!

Just before I left, in the middle of packing, M and I came up with a ceremony plan. We’ve both been so scared of this bit, neither of us is big into talking in front of large groups of people and we’re also prone to weeping when we talk about love.

We’ve asked a beloved friend to officiate the wedding and though she’s a lawyer, she can’t ‘officially’ do it, she has agreed to ask the important questions and let us kiss at the end. Having barbara perform the ceremony was very important to both of us so we decided to get the legal stuff sorted separately from the wedding. This makes it so we can have someone we love up there with us rather than a stranger. In Canada, you can’t just ask your friend to get ordained online and get up there with you, apparently it’s not legally binding! I’m sure we’ll manage this way.

Welcome (barbara)
Reading (friend)
All about love (general stuff, barbara)
Promises (us)
Reading (friend)
All about love (specific stuff, barbara)
Exchange of rings (we’re going to use some of Derek Powazek’s wordsAriel‘s idea – as well as a lovely tradition mentioned in Dan Savage’s book)

After we figured out it wouldn’t be that much talking, we both calmed down. I like it, everything we want to express and to show, with a little help from our friends. Speaking of.. If there are any people out there, I would love to see some of your favourite readings, sayings, stories etc. This wedding business is tough, sharing ideas is the only way we’ll all get through it!


Baby Steps February 23, 2007

Filed under: girly,m,me — Misslissa @ 9:08 am

We went to speak to Michael Dean last weekend, to get some ideas about what our wedding bands might look like and it was great. He seems like a nice guy who really wants us to get what we want. M worked with him to design my engagement ring and now we want to wedding bands to compliment it. My ring is different from any ring I’ve ever seen, M had something specific in mind and Michael helped that happen. Now we want to make sure the band M wears is similar. He’s easy to talk to and understands my vague descriptions of what I want. The fact that his studio’s on Granville Island doesn’t hurt either, I love it there.


A ring! February 12, 2007

Filed under: girly,m,me — Misslissa @ 10:23 am

I got M a ring on Friday. We’re calling it a ‘placeholder’. It cost less than $20 and it’s not that nice, it’s not ugly, but it’s plain and silver and we got it at the ferry terminal. I feel strange about it, that she put so much thought into the ring I wear on my finger and we chose hers in a flurry before we caught a ferry. It looks great though, every time I see it I smirk. It helps to remind me of all the things M works every day to ensure I don’t forget.

In other news, I think I want to wear a veil. I’ve was inspired after seeing this post on Offbeat Bride. It’s not the poofy horrible thing I always imagine veils are and she looks lovely. In her comments, she does admit to removing it after two songs, but I think it’s looks lovely.

By the way, Offbeat Bride rocks my world! I haven’t read Ariel’s book yet, but it does seem to be the right kind of book from a perspective that won’t get me all upset. Besides, I like Ariel’s style and irreverence, her pink braids and her obsession with documenting lunch.

I had a horrible dream the other day. M and I were getting married in my old high school’s Multi Purpose Room (multi purpose indeed!). M wasn’t really happy about plans to walk down the aisle with my parents and so wandered ahead. I figured M would stop at our makeshift alter, but instead kept on walking, into the chairs set up and proceeded to remove articles of clothing. To be honest it was just trousers, but in my dream it was the height of transgression! How dare you remove your clothing at our wedding! I was furious and stomped over there trying to convince my betrothed to put on what I saw as required clothing, and marry me. M kept resisting, standing there, hands on hips, refusing to give in. I woke up before it ended, but I was quite upset. I turned to M and immediately demanded a promise that trousers would be worn for the ENTIRE duration of our wedding ceremony and reception!


Gingko a-go-go November 14, 2006

Filed under: m,me — Misslissa @ 3:46 pm

I ran around in the rain today picking gingko leaves up off the ground! It was pouring and windy, but it didn’t matter. M and I have decided on a wedding motif (ooh a motif!) or just some kind of theme or symbol to tie things together. The gingko leaf has always meant a lot to M and when I saw a very expensive invite here I thought it would be just perfect for us.


Beginnings November 13, 2006

Filed under: m,me,venue — Misslissa @ 1:21 pm

I’ve been engaged for three weeks in and am trying to plan a wedding. Do I want to wear a poofy white wedding dress? Do I care about high heels and sand or flower girls and the best man? Questions like this come up all the time; we’re constantly trying to tease answers out of each other. Coming to consensus has been challenging on some things, and wonderfully easy on others.

We spent the weekend with my mum. We looked at two possible venues while still considering our first choice. The hotel was lovely, all warmth and organization. The event planner had her speech prepared and presented everything very efficiently. She was friendly and warm and answered all of our questions. But she seemed packaged and I felt trapped. M threatened to run away and my mum’s Chardonnay disappeared very quickly. First it was the efficiency, it came across as cold. Then there was the ‘bride and groom’ comment, all part of the pre-packaged speech, but M was clearly standing there and we were very open about the fact that it was US getting married and not some absent ‘groom’. Then there was me, the tightness I started feeling in my chest, the feeling that I was trying to drive the wrong way on a busy one-way street. We decided against the hotel. But we drank the free booze with pleasure!

Choosing between a formal evening wedding and a casual afternoon tea wedding didn’t become difficult until we saw the Sequoia Grill. The view is breathtaking and the room is beautiful. It’s just steps from where we plan to exchange our vows and they would handle everything. It’s perfect. But is it perfect for us? We lay in bed the other night and had to create a pro/con list to help! For everything the Sequoia Grill has, it isn’t us. I would panic that things weren’t perfect and feel like I should be on my best behaviour. I’m sure the food would be great, and the staff well trained, but it changes the tone. It moves from afternoon to evening from casual to formal and, really, from us to them. This isn’t the place for our wedding, but it certainly would be perfect for someone!

We’ve decided that Barclay Manor is the place; we’ll serve mini hamburgers and lovely quiches and get guests from Scotland to import Petit Fours and Battenberg Cake for nostalgia’s sake. I love this idea and want it to happen. We still have to contact the Manor to double check on rental prices and availability, but it’s nice to know we’ve decided on something!