queer wedding story

i’m queer, i’m getting married. this is our story.

Make up your mind! November 30, 2006

Filed under: venue — Misslissa @ 8:11 pm

We spent an hour inside our venue of choice last week, dreaming and scheming about what we think the day should look like. About half way through I flip-flopped and decided I wanted to have the reception somewhere else. It seems so much nicer, so sophisticated and lovely and we wouldn’t have to worry about a caterer and all that if we were there because it’s a restaurant.


Daydreaming of dresses November 16, 2006

Filed under: girly,me — Misslissa @ 11:03 am

When I think about my wedding, when I imagine it, I’m on a beach barefoot and grinning. I’ve thought about what beach and who I want to be there, I’ve got the image down to squishing the sand between my toes but I cannot summon the image of a dress. I have no idea what I want to wear. You see, I have a dress, a wonderfully sexy and beautiful dress that I bought months ago. I have it in green too; it’s been dubbed ‘the hot dress’ because it is. I had to have it because I believed that I was beautiful when I saw my reflection, it was a clear moment where I understood what M’s always saying. So when I found out that the white ones were half price at my favourite plus-sized boutique, I had to have it.

“We’ll dye it black and it’ll be perfect!” I exclaimed. M was less enthusiastic, but we had a look anyway. M sat on a chair in the fitting room when I put it on and, while white isn’t my colour and having seen me in the dress before it wasn’t a surprise, there was an unmistakable smirk, “That could be your wedding dress.” We giggled softly, bought the dress, hid it in the back of the closet and didn’t talk about it for weeks. When we did finally look at it again, we discovered that it couldn’t be dyed, as it’s not 100% cotton, and back it went into the closet.

The dress was bought before there was a wedding to go to, but now there is one and I’m really struggling with whether I want to wear it. It’s perfect, it’s fits and it looks amazing, it’s white and feminine and not too formal, it’s comfortable and it means that I don’t have to spend any time in expensive, intimidating bridal shops trying on dresses that don’t fit.

I’m sure I’ll end up wearing it and it’ll be lovely. I guess I just thought buying a wedding dress might be more of a big deal. But this whole thing has got me thinking about how difficult it is to find people who understand about the dress and other seemingly trivial wedding details. Maybe my mum or my sister would care, but they don’t understand about the delicate balance that I’m trying to find between girly and gross!


Gingko a-go-go November 14, 2006

Filed under: m,me — Misslissa @ 3:46 pm

I ran around in the rain today picking gingko leaves up off the ground! It was pouring and windy, but it didn’t matter. M and I have decided on a wedding motif (ooh a motif!) or just some kind of theme or symbol to tie things together. The gingko leaf has always meant a lot to M and when I saw a very expensive invite here I thought it would be just perfect for us.


Beginnings November 13, 2006

Filed under: m,me,venue — Misslissa @ 1:21 pm

I’ve been engaged for three weeks in and am trying to plan a wedding. Do I want to wear a poofy white wedding dress? Do I care about high heels and sand or flower girls and the best man? Questions like this come up all the time; we’re constantly trying to tease answers out of each other. Coming to consensus has been challenging on some things, and wonderfully easy on others.

We spent the weekend with my mum. We looked at two possible venues while still considering our first choice. The hotel was lovely, all warmth and organization. The event planner had her speech prepared and presented everything very efficiently. She was friendly and warm and answered all of our questions. But she seemed packaged and I felt trapped. M threatened to run away and my mum’s Chardonnay disappeared very quickly. First it was the efficiency, it came across as cold. Then there was the ‘bride and groom’ comment, all part of the pre-packaged speech, but M was clearly standing there and we were very open about the fact that it was US getting married and not some absent ‘groom’. Then there was me, the tightness I started feeling in my chest, the feeling that I was trying to drive the wrong way on a busy one-way street. We decided against the hotel. But we drank the free booze with pleasure!

Choosing between a formal evening wedding and a casual afternoon tea wedding didn’t become difficult until we saw the Sequoia Grill. The view is breathtaking and the room is beautiful. It’s just steps from where we plan to exchange our vows and they would handle everything. It’s perfect. But is it perfect for us? We lay in bed the other night and had to create a pro/con list to help! For everything the Sequoia Grill has, it isn’t us. I would panic that things weren’t perfect and feel like I should be on my best behaviour. I’m sure the food would be great, and the staff well trained, but it changes the tone. It moves from afternoon to evening from casual to formal and, really, from us to them. This isn’t the place for our wedding, but it certainly would be perfect for someone!

We’ve decided that Barclay Manor is the place; we’ll serve mini hamburgers and lovely quiches and get guests from Scotland to import Petit Fours and Battenberg Cake for nostalgia’s sake. I love this idea and want it to happen. We still have to contact the Manor to double check on rental prices and availability, but it’s nice to know we’ve decided on something!